Fireflies in the garden.

Around ten years ago I was watching the TV, as per usual there was nothing to watch. I decided to take a nap, but I left the tele on. Suddenly, beautiful music started playing, I opened my eyes and saw that it was playing over the opening scene of a film.

The song, as I later found out, was called Town of Austere (by Javier Navarrete), and the film was called Firelflies in the garden.

I really don’t recall much of the film, but I remember the title is inspired by a poem of the same name by Robert Frost (the poem itself is referenced in one scene of the film).

I’ve read Frost’s poem from time to time over the years, but I really didn’t understand the meaning of it until today.

As you may know already, I don’t use headphones whenever I listen to music, however earlier today I was on a videocall with some friends, so I had them on, and when I finished talking to them, I opened YouTube and blasted a couple of songs.

Among those songs was Nutshell (Unplugged) by Alice in Chains. It is a very tragic, and yet beautiful song with deep-cut lyrics. Layne Staley wrote it while struggling with addiction, a demon he couldn’t beat and ultimately led him to his death in 2002.

The song talks about, among other things, the struggle that comes form losing our sense of self, of not knowing who we are anymore, being lost and with no help, drowning in a fake world, a world of lies.

I know what you may be thinking. What does a grunge song about addiction has to do with Robert Frost’s poem?

Well, nothing directly. However if you read Fireflies in the garden, you will find that the poem talks about the meaning of being oneself, even if we may sometimes forget about who we really are, even if we may pretend to be someone we are not, just as fireflies aren’t really stars, even though they may look star-like at times.

(Also, on a side note that I’m realizing just now, I may very well be wrong but I think in the film, one of the characters catches some fireflies in a jar, and oddly enough the song Nutshell by Alice in Chains was recorded in the 1994 album Jar of flies. Ok, enough of farfetched coincidences, back to business)

What I’m trying to say is that we should always try to know who we are, and not aspire to be someone else.

On the age of social media, it is quite common to lie to others and to ourselves. You may see a picture of a couple having dinner and being happy, but maybe that very night they fought. You may “like” a selfie of someone smiling, and not know that person is heart-broken. And I get it, people always try to appear happier, prettier, richer, smarter than they really are on Facebook or Instagram. But ask yourself this.

Who are you? Are you you? Or is your Facebook profile you? Because you may very well be different people.

I think it was Slavoj Zizek (don’t quote me on it tho) who said while talking about the film Joker, “What if masks are our true self?”

I believe we should all be authentic to others and most importantly, to us. Sometimes it may be the ones close to us who want to impose their own interpretation of us upon ourselves, and many times people fall for this trap, even losing track of who they really are, led to believe they are a firefly when they are really a star.

So be yourself, you may even be a sun for all I know.